If Every Magical Girl were Perfect, We Wouldn't have Grief Seeds
by meme-asaurus
Summary: This is the story about an 8th-grade human named Rose and an undead time traveler named Pearl.
1. Rated T for Edgy Backstories

**A/N: Hey, remember when we compared every anime to Madoka Magica? That was stupid. Nowadays, we're comparing every video game to Dark Souls, like responsible adults. Let's also have a toast for Super Watermelon Island finally airing next week! It's been forever since the last Stevenbomb, and honestly, those just leave me exhausted. Let's hope that Season 3 has more consistent airings. Oh, and that Madoka gets another movie. Homucifer needs to be saved/defeated/ride into the sunset with in Madoka's arms, and I'm still not satisfied after all these years, dammit! Never lose hope, my friends.**

Seawater slowly mixed with tears as Pearl sobbed harder than she ever did in her life. Rose was dead. Garnet was dead. Amethyst was dead. And, even though Pearl wasn't exactly sure how many, she was certain that most of her beachside middle school was dead, too. There was, however, one sign of life that was in immediate sight.

"Quite the catastrophe we have here," Kyuubey observed. "But then again, I always find it beneficial to put a positive spin on a situation. For example, you just became eligible for an offer of mine."

* * *

Working under pressure was never Pearl's strong suit. Before her magical girl career, she was often called a perfectionist, and she mostly took those comments in stride. Other times, it was geared as an insult, and it made her self-conscious. But after living a few loops, Pearl constituted the virtue of not sweating the small stuff. Not everything had to be perfect. Not all mistakes were fatal. Not everyone had to live. After all, there was only one thing that mattered by the time May came around; only one person that mattered.

Was that inhumane? Maybe.

Was she human anymore? Pssh. Not a living one, that's for sure.

Did she still crack under pressure? Oh, like hell she would. Who'd be there to save Rose?

 **Storch** is the **Ballet Witch**. Her nature is **self-loathing**. Every day, she tries to dance out her labyrinth to be with her beloved, only to be stopped by her familiars. She has abandoned all hope, for Hope has abandoned her. Her familiars' duty is to keep all whom wander into her labyrinth imprisoned in cages.

* * *

Rose Q. Diamond was a pretty ordinary girl. She went to Beach City Junior High with her twin sister, Jasper. People started awful rumors that Rose was the good twin and Jasper was the evil one, but Rose knew enough about her sibling to know that Jasper had a soft spot. And besides, if Rose was the good twin, would she be dating a dropout that was trying to bring hair metal back from the dead?

"Well, no," everyone in Beach City would say. "Rose loves Greg because Rose loves _everyone_."

In return, Rose would have to overcome the urge to bang her head with the nearest blunt object. She liked being nice, but she hated how being nice made a person seem so gullible. She was fourteen and she was a rebel, gosh darn it!

 **Stephanie** is **the Witch of Eden** , and it is in her nature **to find beauty in everything.** She will not rest until the entire universe is her garden; her labyrinth. Her familiars' duty is to ensnare the world in thorns.

* * *

A few years back, there were two kids that wanted to get married. Everyone thought it was cute, even though they were both girls. All was well.

So, obviously, Sapphire's parents HAD to move away. So unfair.

But as if the universe had a spontaneous burst of justice, Ruby was confronted by an alien that granted wishes. Ruby immediately wished that she could 'be together with Sapphire forever.'

Kyuubey obliged.

All her life, Garnet lived alone. She had two Soul Gems to take care of and regarded contracts as very, very big commitments.

 **Unity** is the **Witch of Potential** , and her nature is **intense**. She sees all what could've been the future, but has forgotten the past. In result, she hates the reality that she is currently in and how hideous her form has become. Her familiars are made out of burning ice, and their duty is to share their pain of existence with the world.

* * *

Amethyst was short. She has always been short. She had grown up being short. She eats a lot to help her get big and strong, but her doctor kept telling her that strategy wouldn't exactly work. Her mother said that even though she was small in size, her spirit only grew by the day. Amethyst thought that line was cheesy, but she secretly took those words to heart. After all, it was a pun, and weren't puns supposed to be shitty and awesome at the same time?

Amethyst had a friend. Her name was Peridot. She was never the outdoorsy type, mostly because she didn't have any legs. How this came to be, Amethyst never asked. She was never the kind of person to drag someone's dirty laundry out in public. Well, at least figuratively. In the literal instance, it was a pretty funny gag if Peridot and Amethyst didn't get caught.

The point was, when Amethyst first met a genie shaped like the second weirdest cat ever, she didn't think about herself. She was never the type to have dreams or goals. Those belonged to people who mattered. So, Amethyst thought about someone who mattered. Someone who couldn't help but brag nonstop. Someone who said that she was going to change the world with her brilliance and League of Legends skills.

And hey, as an added bonus, Amethyst can pull out whips whenever she wants. She's got whips for days, yo. WHIPS FUH DAYYYS.

 **Obdachlos** the **Puma Witch**. She has a **careless** nature. Nothing matters to her, and it confuses her that anything matters to anyone. Her familiars' duty is to go get her anything shiny or spicy.

* * *

When Peridot woke up to see that she grew a new pair of legs, she screamed for a solid hour. Of shock, of ecstasy, and of confusion. Doctors were baffled. The religious said that it was proof of a thousand different gods. She would've lapped her block seventeen times over that morning if she hadn't forgotten how to walk.

That evening, her best friend offered to tell her how this had happed if she 'promised not freak out, okay?'

"Amethyst, please," Peridot said, "whenever have I ever been known to freak out about anything?"

"Funny," Amethyst shot back, "But seriously, you have to, y'know, not tell anybody and shit, 'kay?"

"I can't guarantee that she'll see me, Amethyst," Kyuubey informed.

"HOLY FUCK, WHAT IS THAT?!"

"Q-Dawg, you're killing me here," Amethyst groaned. "She had to promise first!"

Peridot spent a week making list after pros-and-cons list of what wish to make. It boiled down to 'be the supreme ruler of planet Earth,' and 'become the best at video games ever.' Amethyst shot both of those down ruling the world would have her held responsible for everything, and that always winning at anything would be pretty boring. Afterward, Kyuubey said that wishing for infinite wishes was downright impossible since one girl could never afford to make an infinite amount of Soul Gems.

So instead, Peridot went for the classic 'million-billion dollars' option out of frustration. She spent it all to make a giant robot and uses it to fight witches.

 **Unit-05** is the **Drill Witch**. Her nature is **disrespectful**. Her labyrinth is a massive junkyard of broken toys, which she throws violently in her tantrums. Her familiar's duty is to build a tower of scrap tall enough to reach heaven, but they will never succeed.

* * *

Lapis Lazuli was the kind of girl that could never get a break. Lately, those problems arose from an emotionally distant girlfriend. Jasper was the type of person that was hard to approach, and it was even harder to get her to open up. It had been a turning point for Lapis when Jasper stopped tell people where exactly she was going.

So, Lapis decided to start following her girlfriend around. You know, like a chaperone or bodyguard. A _secret_ bodyguard. A practice of which, as Lapis convinced herself, WAS ABSOLUTELY NOT LIKE STALKING AT ALL. Lapis considered her girlfriend to be her responsibility, after all. Protecting the people you love was not stalking. Stalking was for strangers. Stalking was for the type people that Lapis wanted Jasper to avoid associating with.

Stalking was for mysterious little animals that had the power to turn invisible and read Lapis' mind.

Despite that particular opinion, Kyuubey insisted that he was here to help. He explained the deal he wanted to make with Lapis in considerable detail, and it did sound very beneficial. Become a superhero, and get one wish granted. Lapis was not a selfish person, so she decided on a wish that would improve both herself and the girl she loved. She wished that Jasper would be more open with her feelings towards her.

As it turned out, Jasper was aware of Lapis' way of 'chaperoning' and was more than a little uncomfortable with it. She thought this was just kind of a phase, and was willing to let it slide for the time being. Beforehand, she believed that getting angry about it was more trouble than it was worth. Then, as if by magic, she got angry about it.

As Kyuubey would put it: Human behavior has always been irrational, but given enough perspective, it's immensely predictable.

As Lapis would put it: No no no no no no no this isn't happening this was never supposed to happen this isn't what I wished for she didn't mean any of it no of course she meant it that's what I wished for I'm such an idiot for trusting a stalker now I'm the stalker I'm the bad guy STUPID WISH IT WAS MY STUPID WISH SHE WOULDN'T HATE ME NOW IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU I HATE YOU STUPID STUPID STUPID CAT IT'S MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT MY FAULT-

 **Malachite** is the **Witch of Imprisonment** , and her nature is **vindictive**. She would do anything for love, but she's forgotten who she was in love with. She waits in labyrinth specifically for magical girls, wanting to trap them there and make them feel as miserable as she does. Her familiar's duty is lash out with heavy chains.

* * *

HEY, BOYS AND GIRLS! THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN! COME AND

help us

SPREAD THE CHEER FOR TWO DAYS AND ONE NIGHT! TICKETS ARE FREE! WE ARE FREE! YOU WILL BE FREE! THAT'S RIGHT, WE'VE SPOILED THE TWIST! YOUR LIFE IS PART OF OUR SHOW. IT ALWAYS WAS. EVERYONE'S

suffering

IS A FARCE AND YOUR

pain

IS NOTHING BUT A WRETCHED LIE TO US. NOTHING BAD REALLY EXISTS, BECAUSE ALL THE WORLD IS OUR STAGE TO PERFORM! IT'S ONE BIG ACT, FROM ONE SHINING CITY AFTER THE OTHER. AND THE STAGE IS SET!

THE CHARACTERS HAVE THEIR ROLES!

THE CROWD WILL ROAR!

THE DATE IS EMINENT!

BLOOD WILL SPILL!

THE WORLD WILL MEET ITS

death

BEFORE THIS CARNIVAL DOES!

WELCOME, ONE AND ALL, TO THE BEST AND LAST NIGHT OF YOUR LIVES!

Walpurgisnacht. Walpurgis Night. _Warupurugisu no Yoru_. All are fake. All refer to the date, the event, the destruction that she causes. The true name of the **Stage-Constructing Witch** is unknown, because she is **a cluster of other witches**. Her nature is **helplessness**. The duty of her familiars is to be clowns. Run. Run. Run until you can no longer hear the trumpets. This is not a human. This is not a witch. This is a storm.


	2. First Impressions (Again)

Rose liked meeting new people. She watched enough after-school specials as a kid to know that transferring into a new school was hard, so she knew that the nicest thing you could do to a new student was act like nothing was strange about them.

But this girl? She acted like she was from another planet, and everyone else treated her as such. She was Pearl Alantica-Honō, a girl with a mouthful of a name that was preppy at worst, but beautifully memorable at its best. She was a ginger albino, a pale white ghost that was pushing through puberty. Her limbs were short and gangly, her baby fat holding the seat for the curves of the woman that she was going to be. Her carrot hair was combed into a tight bun, pinned down with a white plastic lotus clip. Troops of freckles surrounded her horizontal tower of a nose. When the teacher called her name to go through the same song and dance of introducing a new student in front of the class, Pearl rose silently and swiftly, like a stiff but finely-oiled android following a well-practiced program. She jotted her name on the whiteboard with a hand that gripped the marker tightly. She was visibly frustrated and exhausted by this action through her body language, but her face was trained to keep a calm and distant serenity. Her voice was flat but soft as she droned out a brief summary of the heart condition that kept her in the hospital as of late.

She was plain. She was professional. She was… off. The class couldn't get enough of her.

Pearl was under a barrage of questions at every opportunity. She kept the conversation to a minimum, answering questions as quickly as possible. Sometimes, she answered them before they were even asked. There was one student that Pearl payed a particular amount of attention to, though: Rose. Rose kept glancing over her shoulder, getting the feeling that Pearl was staring at her. Sometimes, Rose was right. Pearl was the first one to find an excuse to go into the hallway and talk.

"Excuse me, you're our homeroom's health representative, correct?" Pearl asked.

Rose nodded with a well-practiced polite smile.

"Care to show me the nurse's office?"

"Okay."

Beach City Junior High was a big school in a small town. Most students didn't even live in Beach City. This made for extremely long hallways with lots of windows towards the ocean. And despite the size of the school, Pearl already knew her way around. She was leading rather than following, but kept her pace slow.

"Rose, do you have any family?" she spoke up.

"Two moms and only the best sister ever," Rose chirped.

"Friends? Boyfriend?"

"Yes and yes," Rose said, clasping her hands together. Pearl was still keeping her voice neutral and maybe a little in a harsh way, but Rose was hoping that was just the way the new girl talked. Maybe she just wasn't the kind of person that liked expressing her feelings; a listener rather than a talker. "Greg and I have been dating for-"

"Would he miss you?" Pearl interrupted.

"Sorry?"

"If something happened to you," Pearl explained slowly, turning on her heel to face her escort, "would anyone miss you?" Rose winced. This was not the kind of question she liked to hear from strangers. But hey! Maybe she wasn't as much as a stranger as Rose first thought. Rose got a hunch, and it was worth asking about.

"Do we, like, know each other from somewhere?" Rose guessed.

"No, I don't believe you've met me before," scoffed Pearl. She seemed disappointed by this fact.

"Really? Because you seem pretty concerned about me, asking questions like that," Rose thought out loud. She was never the type of person to speak her mind if it might offend somebody, but Pearl was the one who made it personal. In the vast, open hallway, Pearl started to look like a cornered animal.

"You're smarter than people give you credit for, you know that Rose?" Pearl wavered. She was smiling for the first time that day, but it was the scared smile one had on when one laughed instead of screamed. Seeing such a calm woman shaken by a small insight; it was a weird day for Rose. That said, she decided to choose her words more carefully.

"Are you okay?" she said, using the tender tone she used during her babysitting job.

"You promise me that _you'll_ be okay?" Pearl requested, her slender hands shooting out to grasp Rose's shoulders. It was an odd line, as if Pearl was getting defensive and begging to Rose at same time. This was the moment where Rose might've guessed that Pearl was in the hospital for psychological reasons on top of her heart problems.

"Pearl, you're hurting me," said Rose. White, bony fingers were digging into her arms, but it was important that her voice was kept even. Pearl recoiled, like she just broke an unbelievably expensive vase.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, her face turning downward. "This isn't usually how we- _how I_ meet new people." Her fists were clutched into tight balls, her silver ring almost cutting into her knuckles.

"Listen, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot on your plate, and you seem pretty scared for my sake," Rose said with a deep breath, "but you know, it would be pretty tough for us to help each other if you act like I'm some cat that you just ran over in the street. A good step in the right direction would be to tell me what's got you so jumpy in the first place. I mean, telling people about your problems can't be that horrible, can't it?" Pearl laughed, a tired laugh instead of scared one.

"You make it sound so easy sometimes," sighed Pearl, idly checking the color of the gem on her ring. Rose knew that she still wasn't on the same page, and she wasn't going to quit until she was. Having a mopey stalker with some kind of martyr complex was NOT a good way to spend the rest of the semester. Pearl was going to feel better, she was going to look after herself, and she was going to like it! At least, that was the working plan. Rose, again, didn't know the exact details on how Pearl was obsessed with her.

"You, uh, wanna talk about this after school?" Rose offered. Pearl hesitated. She seemed to be muttering a series of numbers and dates.

"You know what?" Pearl announced, more to herself than to Rose. "I'll try this. Let's try this. Okay. Yeah. I'm actually doing this. I might've gone insane this time."

"So… that's a yes? Little pep talk after school?"

Pearl was on a roll. "This… can't wait for school to end. In fact, we're not going to school anymore. Wastes too much time." A tiny red flag popped up in Rose's head. It was her turn to laugh nervously.

"Easy there, transfer student," she said, putting her hands up in a 'stop' motion. "Let's not get too crazy. We can't _skip school_. We have to think of our future, next generation of jobs, American dream, become functioning adults; all that good stuff."

Pearl looked more serious than Rose saw anyone in her entire life. "What if I told you that everyone we know had six weeks to live?"


	3. Shattering a Worldview: a Q&A

**I always found it annoying when the author apologizes for delays, but here I am, doing it anyway. Summer of Steven is over, and it's college time. Man, what a rollercoaster.**

* * *

Everyone was surprisingly unnoticing of the manner that Pearl and Rose ditched school in the middle of a class period. Then again, Rose didn't stick around for the facility to react. She was also starting suspect that she was having a delayed reaction herself. Inside her head, the tiny red flags she got from talking with Pearl earlier turned into a big, neon-red sign that said 'THE NEW KID IS KIDNAPPING YOU AND YOU'RE HOLDING HER HAND.' She pushed the thought back and compromised with asking Pearl a follow-up question.

"Where are we going?" Rose exhaled, gasping for air. She wasn't completely exhausted, but she was getting there. The two girls had at least gone halfway across town by now. Pearl had stopped as well, but not because she was tired. For a girl straight out of the hospital, Pearl had excellent, almost superhuman stamina.

"A labyrinth," Pearl answered, licking her finger and checking the wind's direction. "There's a few things that need to be brought to light, but some of them need showing rather than telling." Rose did not like that answer. Her benefit of the doubt was wearing thin. The two girls were headed toward the more cramped part of Beach City, where it was easier to get on a bus regularly than to own a car and rent a place where you could park it. "Speaking of which," Pearl continued, pausing slightly to scan her surroundings, "We need to get into this studio. I need to change."

"Change what?" Rose said.

"Clothes."

"Pearl, I'm not giving you my clothes. They won't fit."

Pearl groaned like she was playing _Where's Waldo?_ with a three-year-old. She took a booby pin out of her book bag and began unlocking the studio's deadbolt with a concerning speed and skill. When they were safely in the building, Pearl whipped around looked Rose directly in the eye.

"I need you to promise me something, Rose. Actually, several things. First off, don't go anywhere without telling me first. Second, keep a nine-meter distance from the witch at all times. Thirdly, don't scream. Just for, like, the next seven minutes. Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. Finally, and this is a big one (Rose, look at me when I am speaking to you), do not, under any circumstances, no matter who gets hurt, trust an alien. They lie by omission and never feel remorse. Understand?"

Rose was too scared to ask if Pearl had been joking. "I've got too many questions for understanding any of this."

Pearl nonchalantly rolled her eyes. "Fiiiiiine, let's stick to the not-screaming part first."

Rose nodded silently. Pearl responded by smiling confidently and exploding. Light poured into the empty room, shrinking Rose's pupils until she couldn't see. After twenty blinks, Rose's eyes adjusted and blinding light was gone. Pearl's school uniform had vanished without a trace, replaced by a celebration of everything pastel-colored. Baby-blue ribbons were wrapped tightly around her limbs. The plastic lotus in her hair was transformed into a hair band rowed with teams of the real flower. Without the clip, Pearl's hair flowed loose and free, somehow growing down to her knees. Her torso was covered by a leotard the color of Rose's hair. Silk ballet slippers covered her feet, flanked by tiny white wings. Pearl's silver ring was gone, its gem tripled in size and located on her forehead and held in place by thin platinum chain around her skull. Looking at Pearl like this, Rose, in that moment, was convinced that angels existed and they walked the earth as she did.

"Rose?"

"Bwuh?"

"Please st-stop staring."

"Right. Sorry. My bad."

Rose pursed her lips, trying to focus on a boarded-up window a few steps to a left of Pearl. "So, uh, I've got a few NEW questions now. Like, what was that? How often does that happen to you? Were you serious about the witch thing? Have you really met an alien, or are you just prejudice against them? Is it just my eyes, or are you glowing?"

Pearl had already had her back to Rose, looking for something that wasn't quite visible by Rose's perspective. "It's more of a glittering, really," she muttered. All of a sudden, Pearl made a quick motion with her hands, and a hole in the air opened up. Beyond it lied a shifting pattern of geometric shapes, dark and brightly colored at the same time. Pearl extended her hand. "Ready to go?"

"I'm not sure that I am."

"That's okay," Pearl shrugged. "I suppose the whole point is that nobody's ever ready." Pearl reached and yanked Rose's arm. They hurdled into the portal, and Rose broke the no-screaming rule.

* * *

Malachite hated her life. There was a long list things she hated, but most of all, she hated her life. She hated the chains on her arms. She hated that no magical girls had shown up in her labyrinth yet. She hated how she could remember _her_ face; the face that she sacrificed so much for.

 _On the second thought_ , her shattered mind thought, _I maybe have spoken too soon on the magical girl subject._

There were two of them. Two perfectly vulnerable prisoners-to-be. One of them had no sign of a soul gem, but Malachite was certainly not above compromise. She summoned as many gallons of ice water as she estimated was necessary-

-And out of nowhere, a dozen spears were shoved up her nostril. What. The. Hell. Malachite called hacks. Real life never lagged and clipped like this. She was eldritch shadow of her former self, but even she had a rough idea on how time was supposed to work.

Malachite hated her life, but she found it within herself to hate how she died even more.

* * *

"Did you process that?" Pearl said stoically, the labyrinth giving way to the destruction of the witch. Rose gaped. This was too much. It was only for a minute, but everything that she learned in physics class had become null and void. "I'll take that as a 'no.'" Pearl sighed. "I suppose we could start with a few frequently asked questions, then. Sit, please."

Rose hesitated. "But it's a dance studio. There's nowhere to-"

"The floor will suffice, Rose," Pearl interrupted, easing down to a cross-legged position. Rose mimicked, and with a deep breath, Pearl began. "First off, that thing I killed? That was a witch. If I didn't kill it, it would've killed a lot of people until someone else like me would've killed it instead. Secondly, where we were was a labyrinth. It's a place witches make to hide from humans and magical girls."

"Wait, magical girls?" Rose said, snapping back from her state of shock. "You mean, you're a magical girl? Like Cardcaptor Sakura?"

Pearl looked worried on how excited Rose was with this information. "Yes," she said, after a pause. "That's not a good thing."

Rose looked confused for a second, then 'ahh'd' in understanding. "Right, you're probably not supposed to tell anyone, then told me. You're in trouble now; got it."

Pearl looked like she was telling her little sister than Santa Claus wasn't real. "Oh, Rose. That's… not the bad thing."

For what it felt like the 27th time that day, Rose was a page behind. "Wait, so were you supposed to tell me? Is this some sort of recruitment? Whatever it takes to help, I'm willing-"

" **NO."** Pearl barked. **"NO. NO. NO. DO NOT FINISH THAT SENTENCE. YOU ARE NOT BECOMING A MAGICAL GIRL. YOU WILL NEVER BE A MAGICAL GIRL. NOBODY IS BECOMING A MAGICAL GIRL. DO YOU LOVE YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY? THEN DON'T BECOME A MAGICAL GIRL. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME, ROSE?"** For that moment, Pearl was scarier than any six-armed monstrosity that appeared that day. It was a given too, since she just stabbed one to death. Startled, Rose muttered out an affirmative, then gave the whole 'understanding what the crap was going on' thing another shot. After all, it never hurt to try, right?

"So… why don't you anybody to become a magical girl? I mean, if you're okay with giving me a reason."

Pearl's expression softened, regretting how much she spooked Rose. She unfurled her fingers, revealing a black, metal pin.

"See this, Rose? This is a grief seed. It was once a person. Then, it became a magical girl. Then, it became a grief seed. Then, it became the witch that I fought. Now, it's a grief seed again."

"…Can it become a person again?"

"Can you bring the dead back to life?"

"Umm…"

"Then no."

"Oh," Rose said. "Ohhhhhh." She felt like she was catching up, and she didn't like where this conversation was headed. But on principle, she always wanted to give every situation a glimmer of hope, so she wanted to ask a few more questions that a pessimist would probably know the answers to.

"Are you going to become a grief seed?"

"Yeah."

"Is there a way to, y'know, stop you from becoming a grief seed?"

"Yeah, it's by getting other grief seeds," Pearl said, demonstrating this fact by putting the grief seed to the gem on her forehead, allowing her gem to shine brighter than before.

"So, that's what you want me to do? Get you more grief seeds?" Rose deducted.

"No, it's too dangerous."

"Okaaay, then what _do_ you want me to do?" Rose said, almost groaning as she spoke. Today was emotionally exhausting, and on top of that, she felt like she had taken one step forward and two steps back in terms of understanding the world. "Didn't you say something about everyone we know dying?" Pearl was starting to show that had a great discomfort with Rose being upset. She was learning that a dead expression didn't help this kind of conversation, so she experimented with reacting with a polite laugh.

"I did say that, didn't I?" she said, attempting to be soothing.

"So? What's going to happen?" Rose pressed, getting huffy. "Is there, like, a whole boatload of witches spawning up somewhere?"

Pearl contemplated with question. "More or less," she answered with a wave of her hand.

"Yes! Now we're getting somewhere," Rose said confidently. "All we have to do is stop witches from appearing. Wait, no, that's gotta be _stopping people from turning into magical girls_ , right. So, how do we stop them?"

"Rose, that's not quite-"

"C'mon, there's gotta be _a reason_ that magical girls exist!"

"We believe there's a rather good one," a voice foreign to the conversation added. The voice didn't have that slight vibration that sound waves did, so Rose wondered for a second if she imagined it. Pearl, on the other hand, flinched like she just heard a gun going off behind her ear. She bolted up to her feet and spontaneously generated more spears than she could possibly carry. She voice rang out around the empty room, raising from a scream to a screech to a squawk.

 _ **"INCUBATO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-R!"**_


	4. What's New, Pussycat?

**I'd like to say that no Kyubeys were harmed within the making of this chapter, but I'd be lying.**

* * *

Rose and Pearl looked around, but nobody was visible. Pearl searched for fleeting flashes of white, while Rose wasn't quite sure who they were looking for or what kind of threat their uninvited guest posed. Pearl was tense as a wooden board with a black belt. Her eyes darted from window to widow, her ear perked for the slightest disturbance of noise. Then, she heard it: The soft echo of footsteps on metal. The unfortunate problem was she didn't know where they were coming from, even though they were getting louder. By the time that Pearl realized that the two of them were right under an air vent, it was too late. With a clatter of an air filtered dropping, Kyubey descended from the ceiling. His white fur glistened in the afternoon sun.

"Salutations, Miss Diamond," he greeted telepathically, his expressionless eyes turning to meet Rose's. Although, it was a mistake to take his eyes off Pearl. Within a flash of nothing, Kyubey was impaled in sixteen gruesome different ways. Rose forgot to gasp. It was as if she had taken a break from breathing to fully absorb the death of an innocent animal. The blood that hadn't splattered onto Rose or Pearl dripped on the ground, slowly forming a red puddle. It didn't seem that Kyubey had any bones, muscle, or organs to speak of; he was just a living powdered doughnut with raspberry filling. And that's when the creepiest part for Rose happened: Kyubey kept talking.

"Gracious, I'm sorry that you had to see that. My name is Kyubey, and I am an extraterrestrial that is responsible for the production of magical girls."

In response, Pearl kept searching. "Where's the other one?! Show yourself, coward!"

"For the sake of this conversation continuing, Miss Atlantica-Honō," Kyubey retorted, "I'll have to decline that request. Now Miss Diamond, I know that you've been forced to absorb quite a lot of information, but if we had an enlightening conversation, I believe that an understanding between us is a certainty."

At this point, Pearl was trying her luck and lobbing spears through any air vent she could find. "She will have none of your lies! Rose, don't listen, please!"

"Lies?" Kyubey parroted. "Young lady, it's rude to make unbased accusations. Incubators have never given misinformation, and it's unlikely that we ever will." Pearl only groaned at this, continuing her stab-a-thon at random walls of dead metal. "The only thing that would appear to be lie is our ability to grant wishes," Kyubey continued, "and that part of our duty is hardly an exaggeration."

"You grant wishes?" Rose piped up, not sure whether to make eye contact on Kyubey's corpse or some other direction.

"I most certainly do," Kyubey high-pitched yet even voice rang out in Rose's mind. "It's somewhat of a bottom-line payment for becoming a magical girl."

Rose guessed that the noise that came out from Pearl could be heard from several blocks away. It was some kind of conglomerate of Rose's name and the word 'no,' without sound too much like 'nose.' Rose made a mental note to make it out of the building before someone who happened to hear them called the police.

"So, you make people into magical girls in exchange for granting their wishes? I don't under-(Pearl, not now, I need to know) I don't understand, what is it that you get out of it?"

"It's not about what we benefit," Kyubey patiently explained. "It's how the universe in general benefits."

Pearl was scrambling to cover Rose's mouth, but Rose, having a quite a few inches on her, managed to keep speaking. "Oh, so you believe the world is a better place within the time magical girls are alive? Like, do you tell them to be (Pearl, quit it!) secret superheroes? That's… kind of a tough pill to swallow, Kyubey. If witches are anything like what I've seen, they're not worth magical girls being around in the first place."

Around this time, Rose expected Kyubey to lose patience with her and tell her to shut the hell up, but Kyubey's voice remained even. "On the contrary, we designed each stage of a magical girl's life to benefit our goal, especially their transformation into witches. You see, when that transition happens, a witch releases far more energy than what it took to grant its wish as a human. This way, Incubators and magical girls work together to fight entropy and the heat death of the universe."

Rose knew about the theory of heat death from a documentary she watched on a field trip to the science museum, and she remembered the knot in her gut when the narrator said not to worry about it. Pearl, on the other hand, had other things on her mind. She had climbed out a window and started to look for the second, unseen Kyubey outside.

"Pearl said that witches kill a lot of people. Is that true?" asked Rose. She didn't like the mood she getting from having this talk. There didn't seem to be a right answer, and that scared her.

"Unfortunately so," said Kyubey in the exact god damn tone of voice as he used from the moment he met Rose and died. "But that's what the new magical girls are for: To fight witches before they hurt anyone. And we've taken a survey: The magical girls do indeed feel like they're making a difference. That's also the reason I've approached you today, Miss Diamond."

"What reason?"

"To make a difference. From the subjective data I've gathered, you would have the power to destroy an army of witches before you'd turn into one yourself. You, Miss Rose Q. Diamond, have the most potential to contract into a magical girl I've seen in-"

Silence.

Pearl popped her head inside from one of the higher windows. "His other body was on the roof."

Rose discovered that she needed a deep breath. "We should leave. I think I hear sirens."

Pearl jumped to the floor and untransformed, unsure on how to comfort Rose. "Do you know a place to get clean clothes? Your uniform still has some blood on it."


End file.
